Dearest Children,
I realize I haven't shared with you as a group in many months. I believe the good Lord is prompting me to. Both Dad and I are united in the correctness of our decision choosing to live up in Juniper Ridge summers as the right thing for us. I would rather something central to each of your homes yet never being a pair to pursue wealth California mountains were beyond us. At this juncture in our lives we see so much comes together for us. We have moved on to a new situation from anything we have had previously. Another adventure. Some folks would call it 'a stage in life', our next, though not final.

Honestly, when one is turning 83 soon it becomes very clear that this stage may not remain all that long a time. For a couple in their 60th year of being together the next stage is not something we welcome. Nevertheless, it is reality that togetherness will come to an end soon. We look at one another and see plainly how much better off each is than either of the 4 parents at same age. We recall the number of earlier stages in our lives together-- dating, newlyweds, parents, farming, married, baby boys, students U of Chicago, 1st girl child, Springfield Ave., Winfield, many trips to visit grandparents, Orland Park, Anaheim Palais and then Orange Ave., Cunningham Rd., Winnebago, 4 in high school, music, ponies, more drivers, more cars, return Michael the first to leave home, to OC, Trevor- high school, some college, w/ children dating, a couple of weddings, 1st grandchild, Robb sets up shop, weds Nancy, Patrick transfers from OC to Reno Norco, RE debacle, move to Riverside, many visits to and from young families from Merryhill, from Alhambra then Sacramento, then Penryn , Christmas & Thanksgivings, Kev & Char & little Tim in Norco, Purchase their own home, leave for midwest, lots of grandchildren, boys, girls, camping trips, Char becomes ill, dies, Kev raises the babes, Timo leaves home, RVs, travel, move to AZ with Amy & Scott & Brendan, and Chris & family to Scottsdale. Jaime on his own and all are gone from home. Senior living, traveling, visiting many and renewing relationships, and after 10 or more years of this we settle summers in high country, near to the clouds, the sky, the forests, the birds. And the right choice. We are happy together. Of course, I want something similar for you and yours.

There is something different when marrying a high school classmate, even though 8 years hence. I knew where he lived, his home, his family, days he missed school, how often he was ill, or had to help out at home on the farm. He would arrive in the hallway of the high school, winters, with his buckle boots rattling, slam open & shut his locker, etc. We were in most of our classes for 3 years, together. In English class I knew he was a reader, in Algebra and Geometry I knew he was smart, and Physics. He often solved the problem for the instructor. Study Hall doubled as the Library. Whenever something needed fixing, take note Robb, he was right there and solved the problem. He still does. He was just 5'4" but I fell in puppy love with him. At least this is what my Latin teacher said. His mom, [your gran] perhaps as much as once a month was one of the volunteer drivers to deliver classmates to the Delevan skating rink and home again. She'd just hang around. Sometimes the class would take in a movie in Lake Geneva and have a soda in Hill's afterwards. Once your dad drove the blue chevy, with Gran as co-driver and Gran Bergin along, on a date to the movie in Walworth. It was 'Stormy Weather'. And I knew right then and there was something different about this mom and her son. Who in Hebron would put themselves out to see a show starring a black woman? I don't think so. He had innumerable cousins all about the town. Not only that he had nieces and nephews and married brothers and sisters living in or near town. He babysat so sisters could have time away. Summers I'd sleep with my head on my pillow into the window, bed high, and dream of him at home 6 miles away or driving the '37 blue chevy [when I first saw this auto it was gray] into town on an errand. I knew all of his family attended the Presbyterian Church in town. His mom and dad were very close friends with the couple who ran Home Bureau and Farm Bureau in Woodstock. Times Gran invited my mother to attend a function with her. Gran always liked me from the start though your dad went on to date many other girls in nearby towns. And it is Gran when he came home from the Air Corps who suggested he look me up. Which he did.

I'm telling you all this because in today's world it is rather unique to know so much about the person one marries. There is a solid background here. Gran never made a big deal about my being Catholic. She was aware of common ground. Being the reader she was she had a very open mind and extremely inquisitive. She and her son spent a great deal of time looking into this and that and figuring something out together. She was a thinker, a problem solver, smart, intelligent, alert, capable, boned up on the news. She was a woman who in those early days stood proudly beside her husband and shared equally in all discussions and projects and decisions. After the children were gone from home, even before, she spent most every Sunday at the Presbyterian Church teaching Sunday School. The town's children all knew her.

So this is some of the early, early background to how your father and I grew so closely together and have such a deep respect for each other. It is background to the 'old age' stage we are well into presently. My next intention is to describe a bit to you what it is like to be 82 going on 83. We accept this is old age stage. I will enter this into my blog. In the future should you want to check back on what I shared today these words will be there. Thanks to Paul's encouragement, Paul Smith, that is.

People of God

These words came alive for me following Vatican II. Christ left the entire creation in our keeping. Unless we follow Christ's example we cannot hope to build a better world. Would have been about the time Amy and Jaime were born. Though the encyclical. Mystical Body of Christ was known many years prior.

Teresa of Avila said
Christ has no body now on earth but ours,
no hands, but ours,
no feet, but ours,
Ours are the eyes through which to view
Christ's compassion,
Ours are the feet with which
He is to go about doing good,
Ours are the hands with which He Blesses Us, Now.

Perhaps we need spend less time worshipping Jesus,
which He never wanted,
and start Emulating Jesus
for which he pleads
despite the mandate of the Hierarchy

Quote: Sr. Joan Chittester, Benedictine

As Adrian Rich wrote once, “Every time a woman speaks the truth, she makes space for

every woman after her to do the same.”

Hieroglyphic Stairway

I thought it interesting that Ian Stewart, Chris & Patty's son, was a single response I received on this piece when sent out as an email. This is a legitimate question. What did we do? The environment and its preservation has been a primary issue in Bruce and my life. We respect life, all of God's Creation. We choose to live moderately.

Hieroglyphic Stairway

it’s 3:23 in the morning
and I’m awake
because my great great grandchildren
won’t let me sleep
my great great grandchildren
ask me in dreams
what did you do while the planet was plundered?

what did you do when the earth was unraveling?

surely you did something
when the seasons started failing?

as the mammals, reptiles, birds were all dying?

did you fill the streets with protest
when democracy was stolen?

what did you do
once
you
knew?...

Where Have All the Flowers Gone?

Being my children exposed to U.S. Vietnam years you might like to recall and read the Bob Dylan music's lyrics.

Bob Dylan - With God On Our Side

Oh my name it is nothin'

My age it means less

The country I come from

Is called the Midwest

I's taught and brought up there

The laws to abide

And that land that I live in

Has God on its side.

Oh the history books tell it

They tell it so well

The cavalries charged

The Indians fell

The cavalries charged

The Indians died

Oh the country was young

With God on its side.

Oh the Spanish-American

War had its day

And the Civil War too

Was soon laid away

And the names of the heroes

I's made to memorize

With guns in their hands

And God on their side.

Oh the First World War, boys

It closed out its fate

The reason for fighting

I never got straight

But I learned to accept it

Accept it with pride

For you don't count the dead

When God's on your side.

When the Second World War

Came to an end

We forgave the Germans

And we were friends

Though they murdered six million

In the ovens they fried

The Germans now too

Have God on their side.

I've learned to hate Russians

All through my whole life

If another war starts

It's them we must fight

To hate them and fear them

To run and to hide

And accept it all bravely

With God on my side.

But now we got weapons

Of the chemical dust

If fire them we're forced to

Then fire them we must

One push of the button

And a shot the world wide

And you never ask questions

When God's on your side.

In a many dark hour

I've been thinkin' about this

That Jesus Christ

Was betrayed by a kiss

But I can't think for you

You'll have to decide

Whether Judas Iscariot

Had God on his side.

So now as I'm leavin'

I'm weary as Hell

The confusion I'm feelin'

Ain't no tongue can tell

The words fill my head

And fall to the floor

If God's on our side

He'll stop the next war.

I read the big, big book CONSTANTINE'S SWORD couple years ago and awaited the film. James Carroll, the author, was a very young Catholic priest when family lived in Rockford, IL. Dad and I recognized him from the Peace Movement, NCR and CFM. One of those gorgeous, young celibates, Joan usually exclaimed over. The music cited above runs at the end of this film along with the credits. This documentary by Oren Jacoby examines the history of anti-semitism in the Catholic Church. Fr. Carroll was a son in this large, Irish, Catholic family whose dad became an Air Force General. As a kid he ran around the halls of the pentagon on Saturday's, his day with dad. The family lived years in Europe. He loved his family, his Catholic Faith, the Air Force but decided he needed to leave his priestly vocation that he might be free to tell his story. Interested? You might want to view this flick. You will see this individual your mom has admired through the years, and hear the story he has to tell. Historical, personal and a religious epic.

A MOVIE CAN TEACH

Dad and I viewed a movie this week on DVD.

One True Thing (1998) More at IMDbPro »

When a tough New Yorker's Ellen's,(Renee Zellweger) mother (Meryl Streep), Kate, is stricken with a serious illness, Ellen is forced to quit her job and her relationship with her boyfriend to take care of her mother, finding out a lot of things she didn't know about her mother and father (William Hurt) and her life along the way. Written by L. Lim {penny1@es.co.nz}

One True Thing is a family drama revolving around a dying mother's final months in the care of her daughter. Ellen Gulden's father rebukes her for not caring enough about her mother to quit her job, move back home to Upstate New York, and leave her soulmate behind to fend for himself in their tidy New York apartment. But, when she succumbs under the strain of guilt and does as he asks, it appears that he is too busy to carry his part of the load. In fact, it begins to look like Ellen's father is more concerned with who is going to keep his life running smoothly than who will tend to his poor wife as she struggles with cancer. George Gulden is a gifted professor and English department head, but he is an unrealized novelist. His novel, "Come Back Inn," is still unfinished after many years of torturous self-editing and rewrites long after the advance he received from his publisher is spent. Still, he basks in the reflected glow of more famous and successful writers with whom he maintains tenuous ties. This realization humanizes him for Ellen who has always revered her father as something of a literary giant in spite of his occassional daliances with graduate students. Kate Gulden, dying of cancer at only 48, loves life, and loves her children and her husband. When her suffering finally ends from an overdose of morphine, the District Attorney suspects Ellen of having helped her mother to end her life. In the end, though, it seems to be Kate who still nurtures them, somehow even from the grave. Written by Mark Fleetwood {mfleetwo@mail.coin.missouri.edu}

............................................................

A few notes we had on this excellent film:

We experienced a few months living in a similar situation when Kev and Char needed us to be with the family the last months of her cancer. We see this movie as very, very real to life.

[Dad asks the daughter to leave her job and come home] Dad must support family yet he spends more time than he needs to away from her [how real, how one suspects he doesn't care enough, he needs to distance himself at times. And yet we see clearly the love each has for the other. We got really upset with Kevin because he would spend literally hours on the phone with neighbors rather than at Char's side. He was already going through grief stages. Hard for him to see one's love slowly dying.]

Char, too, had good days as when she would stand at the door with the mailman and talk on and on. So that he was flabbergasted when he learned she died. Good days and very bad days.

Kate at one point gets very angry and breaks things in the kitchen-- felt she was losing control in her home [Char laid down her laws to us-- Lest she lose control of her house-- made it clear she was still in charge-- how to set her table, where to seat the children-- how they were to be fed-- only her directions acceptable-- we felt like servants rather than family]

Bathtub scene so real. She tells helper she can do the bath herself and does so up to advanced stage. I believe this is modesty, privacy. Char would allow Luke, 3 years old, to be in the bathroom with her, he could hand her things etc. Well, one morning he came out to me and said his mom needed help. She was literally like Kate shown in the film-- no energy to rise-- to cover herself-- I was shocked by her helplessness]

There were times when Char went to the cupboard where the medicines were kept. Dad was to pass them to her throughout the day as prescribed. Times she couldn't wait and wouldn't have without strict control.

They even filmed the heavy guttural breathing hours before she died. Char, too, was now lying in a hospital bed downstairs in the family room. We stayed in an adjacent bedroom and heard that awful stressful breathing all through the final night.

..........................................

There's a lesson for me, for us, in this experience. When an experience is new, a first time experience, the experience will teach each person involved something. Why anger when understanding was required. Why absent when presence so necessary. Why controlling rather than confidence in others. All things were new for each of us experiencing death from cancer in Rosendale.

So now, wondering, how often within the family have we misunderstood another because we had never had an experience.

[Understanding. A level of consciousness.] 1. Facts (the way it always is). 2. New Information. 3. A new level-- understanding. When I understand-- I can have empathy. We cannot understand what we have never been told to look for.

I would include this, for instance, our children adopting another Christian Church. This has never before happened in my ancestral family. And it was a big issue in not having it happen when dad and I married. One just didn't. One was loyal. These new churches were flaunted in our faces or so we felt them [feeling]. Even told, 'You'll go to hell'. Now I am able to understand after having the experience within our small family. I have no idea what each of you have learned but a lesson is there, a lesson in learning how to love another.

There might be an exercise here in gaining of wisdom to take each brother, sister, parent and look anew. Some information each brought to one another's attention that wasn't present before. And if weighed and understood each would learn something valuable. We would never downgrade a sibling or parent. We could feel once again we are family. Without this lesson in love we feel something negative and become judgmental

This is what God does. God knows what are our unique and individual experiences. Sees it all as a learning process-- maturation. I imagine at heaven's arrival that welcome, 'Well done good and faithful [child] servant. Enter. This is learning how to love one another. God is Love.

Some Folks Who Shaped My Life:

Two young sisters gave special attention to me, 2 years old, and also to my sister, 3 1/2 when my family moved to New York City. They lived in the home next door. We have a picture of our home in Minneola, from the family album, of the 4 of us sitting on the curb out front. 

 I was a sleepwalker for quite a few years. [I believe I passed on this gene to Timothy Stewart, grandson]. During my night walk I would find my parents, they'd give me a hug, and return me to my bed. My mother would often tell a story of the days when she would leave us with a black woman when she and dad went out for the evening. Those nights I would take my usual walk, climb up in this woman's lap, hug and kiss her, after which she would return me to my bed. All who heard the tale would exclaim and giggle or be shocked because in 1929 there was no mixing of the races, or so it was among us Irish. We were not equal. They were our servants. We often had black women come into our home to help my mother, probably up until the time we moved from Chicago to Hebron, IL. Often we were told to wash our hands well after holding coins as they might have been in a dirty nigger's hands. 

The BVM nuns at Gesu GRade School, in Milwaukee impressed me immensely for better and for worse. Sister Jean Allen was a young, beautiful woman who taught first grade. I believe each of us, Elayne, Bill and I, had her for our teacher. But, she is also the nun who put the tape on my mouth and that was a sad, sad tale for me. Then in 3rd grade I had a witch of a nun who also affected me negatively.  We had these beautiful passout sheets with number problems. I loved these. More than one day she pulled my hair, my braids, as discipline. I hated math after that. 

Yet, in the 4th Grade, after brother Jim was born and we moved to Greenview Avenue in Chicago's North side I attended Our Lady of Lourdes 4600 North Ashland Avenue. This was Sister Mary Edgar's class. She was truly an influential teacher for me. We sang songs, put on shows within the classroom. I only have the best of memories of her. And I feel she inspired me. I met her a time on the playground and my chin was down to my chest.I was quite shy by then. She stopped me, spoke to me, and said, " I must walk with my head held high". I can imagine now she would have followed this instruction with something akin to, "Remember you are a child of God, Who loves you completely". And I would have believed her because she represented God to me. 

In 6th Grade I took my teacher, Sr. Mary Barbara's, name for my Confirmation name.

Probably 1941 dad moved us temporarily from the Tullybrackey farm in Hebron to Chicago to attend school. He wanted us to be enrolled in parochial schools for the school year. Had we remained in Hebron for the winter we would have spent the year in the one room Burgett country school. This year I was in 8th grade at Our Lady of Mount Carmel on the very near North side. This was a wealthy neighborhood.I was impressed when several times the Monsignor Casey had his driver pick up us 8th graders in his limo. My best friend that year was Moira who lived a block from us in a house of mirrors. This is what I called it. Her father was a famous architect.We lived that winter in a coach house behind the big house. In this kitchen I spilled the sugar on the pantry floor when making a chocolate cake. My mother was so distressed because sugar was rationed and we had few stamps for replacement.  

Winter of 1942 I would be a Freshman and attend attend Senn High School, which was about a mile walk daily one way. Dad had difficulty renting an apartment because of us 4 kids. He told the landlords, Mr. and Mrs. Hummel that he had 2 children. Then we were told we had better behave ourselves. Our family satisfied their expectations and they treated us warmly. The final weeks each of these 2 years we returned to Hebron and did attend the one room country school. This was a treasured experience for me, 8 grades in one room, with Mrs. Reynolds coping with all through the day, now with 1st grade, and again with 8th graders, pump in the yard for getting our drinks, trees and green grass and chirping birds for recess and lunch hour. Perhaps a Moo or 2.